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Wild Everyday

We encourage wildness in our children and our homeschool day. I'll log how we do this here.

 

Princess Poo Poo and the Royal Potty

Christine Emming

Once there lived a little princess, named Poo Poo, who wanted to use the potty. She loved to go poop especially and each time she went, she sang this song:

My poop is smelly, smelly, smelly
And it feels good in my belly
When I let it out out out,
It makes me shout shout shout!

But Princess Poo Poo wasn’t allowed to use the royal potty. The king had decreed that no one could use the royal potty except for him, even though he sat on it only twice each day. The royal potty was magnificent, you see. It had its own throne room with a path of polished jewels and diamonds that lead to the seat, made of a mermaid’s tail, and a flusher handle made of the unicorn’s horn. No one could use the potty secretly because when the toilet flushed, trumpets sounded throughout the kingdom and everyone cheered.

So the Queen kept putting diapers on Princess Poo Poo, even when she was too old, because the Queen had to wear them herself in a grown-up size. No one who worked at the castle had a potty to use during the day, and they all wore diapers around. Grownup, kids and babies alike, all diapered. Wipes were available in every room, because the castle folk needed them. And there was never any privacy, because they weren’t allowed in the bathroom to change.

Princess Poo Poo had never minded the diapers until recently. She hadn’t been big enough to use the potty before now. But now that she was, she didn’t think it was fair that she wasn’t allowed.

She asked for an audience with the King.

“He’ll see you at dinner,” his squire said.

So she waited.

She asked for permission to speak at dinner.

“Wait until the King has finished his carrots,” his squire said, and wiped the King’s chin with a golden napkin.

So she waited. When he was finished, the King gave her a nod, and that meant she could speak.

“Sire,” Princess Poo Poo started, “I would like permission to use the royal potty.”

Gasps sounded from everyone at the table, including the King.

“Why?” he asked.

“It isn’t fair that I have to wear this diaper around anymore. I am big, and I need to poop on the potty,” she answered.

“But no one else minds their diapers,” he said sternly.

But around the room, heads were shaking.

“Yes, they do,” the Princess answered.

“The poop squishes against your bottom,” the Queen complained and shuddered delicately.

“I get rashes if I don’t change immediately,” his squire whispered.

“There’s no privacy!” several maids shouted at the same time.

The King’s jaw dropped, and then he looked around sadly. “I thought you liked it,” he said. Then he furrowed his forehead and made a thinking face.

“I’ve got it!” he announced. “I will make a royal proclamation tomorrow in the throne room. I have some planning to do.”

And out he marched without even tasting his frogleg stew.

The Princess slurped her stew, leaving the froglegs, and worried. She worried into the night. She worried that the King was planning a better style of diaper. She worried that he didn’t want to share his potty. She worried that she’d never be able to use a potty for her whole life.

In the morning, Princess Poo Poo felt very tired, and also very nervous. She rushed through her breakfast, eating only seven raspberries. She tried on three different puffy pink dresses for no reason, and four pairs of shoes. She yelled at the Queen when it took too long to braid her long brown hair. She apologized right after. She ate some toast to help calm her stomach and then walked around the castle grounds, listening for the trumpet that announced a proclamation.

At last, it came.

Everyone inside the palace gathered in the throne room, the largest room in the castle. Fifty steps lead up to the King’s golden throne. He was already seated there when Princess Poo Poo rushed into the room and stood beside her mother, who was sitting in the next throne over, a little smaller, but just as sparkly.

“It has come to my attention,” the king’s voice boomed through the room, “that many of you dislike using diapers. Forgive me. I did not realize.” His face looked sad, then brightened. “And so, I proclaim that we will be adding bathrooms to the castle. I have stayed awake all night to make a plan for them. No one will have to wear diapers in this castle if they don’t want to!”

The sound of cheering was so loud and enthusiastic that the King had to wait a long time before he could be heard again.

“And in addition,” he said finally, “the royal potty will be used by all members of the royal family, including the Queen and the Princess.”

With this, both the Queen and Princess Poo Poo threw their arms around the King in a giant hug of thanks. And the Queen ripped off her diaper right then and ran to use the potty. When she flushed and the trumpets sounded, everyone cheered.

Princess Poo Poo felt a little bit more shy. So she waited until most of the people had left for the day before she visited the royal potty. She knocked. Nothing. There wasn’t a guard outside the door anymore, so she pushed the door open and walked inside. Everyone knew you did not open closed doors in the castle without knocking.

She followed the jeweled path to the potty and pointed at the magical fairy stepstool, which moved itself to the front of the toilet all on its own. Then Princess Poo Poo climbed up, lowered her pink underwear and finally sat on the royal potty. She made a poop. She sang, as loudly as she could, and the song echoed royally:

My poop is smelly, smelly, smelly
And it feels good in my belly
When I let it out out out

It makes me shout shout shout

And when the trumpets sounded after she flushed the royal potty, Princess Poo Poo cheered the loudest of all.

© 2016 Copyright Christine Emming. Do not use without permission.